The 8 C's of Self-Leadership: How IFS Parts Work and EMDR Rebuild Confidence and Self-Esteem
If you've ever thought, "Part of me wants to speak up, and part of me is terrified," you've already done the first step of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. You noticed that you're not one thing. You're a system of parts, and underneath all of them is something steadier that IFS calls the Self.
The 8 C's of self-leadership are the qualities that show up when that Self is leading. This article explains what they are, where the 5 P's fit in, and why parts work is one of the most effective approaches I know for rebuilding self-esteem that doesn't collapse the moment life gets hard.
What is IFS (Internal Family Systems)?
Internal Family Systems is an evidence-based model of psychotherapy developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz. Its central idea is simple: the mind is naturally made up of parts, and that's not a problem to fix. It's how we're built.
In IFS, parts generally fall into three roles:
Exiles carry old pain: shame, fear, grief, the wounds we learned to hide.
Managers work hard to keep that pain from surfacing. The perfectionist, the people-pleaser, the inner critic, the overachiever.
Firefighters rush in when pain breaks through anyway. Numbing, scrolling, overeating, rage, shutting down.
None of these parts are bad. Every one of them is trying to protect you. The inner critic who says you'll never be good enough is usually a young part that decided, long ago, that criticizing you first would hurt less than being criticized by someone else.
And then there's the Self.
The Self: what's underneath the parts
IFS holds that every person has a core Self that cannot be damaged. It may be buried under decades of protective parts, but it's there. When parts step back and Self leads, people describe a feeling of being grounded, spacious, and at home in themselves.
The 8 C's are how we recognize Self-energy when it's present. Think of them less as goals to achieve and more as evidence that you've already arrived.
The 8 C's of self-leadership
Curiosity. Instead of "What's wrong with me?", Self asks "What's happening in me, and why?" Curiosity toward a part is the beginning of every healing conversation.
Compassion. Not pity, and not letting yourself off the hook. Compassion is the willingness to be with your own pain without turning away from it.
Clarity. When parts aren't blending with you, you can see a situation as it actually is, without the fog of old fear or the distortion of a protector's worst-case story.
Connectedness. Self feels connected to your parts, to other people, and to something larger. Isolation is almost always a part's strategy; connection is Self's natural state.
Calm. Not the absence of feeling, but a nervous system that isn't bracing for impact. From calm, you can respond rather than react.
Confidence. In IFS, confidence isn't a personality trait some people have and others don't. It's what emerges when Self is present and your parts trust that you can handle what comes. More on this below.
Courage. The capacity to turn toward what's frightening, whether that's a difficult conversation or a memory you've avoided for years.
Creativity. Self sees options where parts see dead ends. Creativity is what lets you imagine a different response, a different story, a different future.
The 5 P's: the qualities that sustain the work
Dr. Schwartz later added five more qualities that describe how Self relates to parts over time. If the 8 C's are what Self feels like, the 5 P's are how Self behaves.
Presence — being here, in the body, with what's happening right now
Patience — parts move at their own pace, and Self doesn't rush them
Persistence — showing up again and again, especially when a part keeps returning
Perspective — seeing the whole system rather than getting lost in one part's view
Playfulness — lightness and humor, which parts often need as much as they need seriousness
In my practice I picture these as a spiraling lotus: the 8 C's as the petals at the center, the 5 P's as the leaves that hold and nourish them. The spiral matters. Healing isn't a straight line, and you'll circle back through the same territory many times. Each pass, you meet it with a little more Self.
Why self-esteem built on parts work actually lasts
Most approaches to self-esteem try to talk you into feeling better about yourself. Affirmations, reframes, lists of your strengths. These can help, but for many people they bounce right off, because the part that believes you're not enough was never consulted.
Parts work is different. Instead of arguing with the inner critic, you get curious about it. You find out what it's afraid would happen if it stopped. You discover the younger part it's been guarding. And when that exile finally gets to release what it's been carrying, the critic doesn't have to work so hard anymore.
That's where confidence comes from in IFS. Not from convincing yourself you're worthy, but from your parts learning, through direct experience, that Self can be trusted to lead. Self-esteem stops being something you have to maintain and becomes something you simply rest in.
How this looks in therapy
In my Houston practice, I integrate IFS parts work with EMDR, somatic therapy, and bilateral art-based processing. The 8 C's give us a shared language. When a client says "I noticed I got curious instead of critical this week," we both know something has shifted.
A typical session might involve:
Noticing a part that's activated (a tight chest, a familiar critical voice, an urge to check out)
Getting curious about it rather than pushing it away
Learning what it's protecting and what it fears
Helping the wounded part beneath it unburden what it's been holding
Letting the system reorganize around a little more Self-leadership
For many clients, the body holds what the mind can't reach, which is why somatic and EMDR work pairs so naturally with IFS. The story gets a voice, the heart opens, and the body releases what it's been carrying.
Combining IFS and EMDR: why the two work so well together
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a trauma therapy that uses bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements, tapping, or alternating tones, to help the brain reprocess memories that got stuck. IFS gives us the map of who's in the room. EMDR gives us a way to move what they're carrying.
Here's how they fit together in practice:
IFS prepares the system. Before we ever reprocess a painful memory, we get to know the protectors around it. A firefighter that dissociates or a manager that intellectualizes will derail EMDR every time if they haven't been consulted. When protectors trust that Self is leading, they step back and let the work happen.
EMDR unburdens the exile. Once we reach the wounded part, bilateral stimulation helps it release the raw sensation, image, and belief it's been frozen around. This is often where clients feel the shift in their body before they can put words to it.
IFS integrates what's changed. After reprocessing, we return to the parts. The critic that used to work overtime often has nothing left to guard. Clients frequently notice the 8 C's showing up on their own: more calm, more clarity, a confidence they didn't have to manufacture.
This is also why I use bilateral art-based processing. Drawing, painting, and movement engage both hemispheres the way EMDR does, but they give parts a language that isn't verbal. For people who freeze when asked to "just talk about it," the hands often know what to say first.
A simple practice to try today
The next time you notice a strong reaction, pause and ask: "What part of me is showing up right now?"
Then ask it three questions:
What are you afraid would happen if you weren't here?
How long have you been doing this job?
What do you need from me?
You don't have to fix anything. Just listen. That listening, done with even a little curiosity and compassion, is Self-leadership. It's the whole practice in miniature.
Frequently asked questions
What are the 8 C's of IFS?
Curiosity, compassion, clarity, connectedness, calm, confidence, courage, and creativity. They describe the qualities of Self-energy in Internal Family Systems therapy.
What are the 5 P's of IFS?
Presence, patience, persistence, perspective, and playfulness. They describe how Self relates to parts over time.
Is IFS good for low self-esteem?
Yes. Because IFS works with the parts that carry shame and self-criticism rather than arguing with them, many people find it produces more durable self-esteem than approaches that rely on positive thinking alone.
Can I do parts work on my own?
You can begin on your own with practices like the one above, and books like No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz are excellent starting points. Deeper unburdening work, especially around trauma, is best done with a trained IFS therapist.
Can IFS and EMDR be used together?
Yes, and many trauma therapists find the combination more effective than either alone. IFS helps prepare protective parts before reprocessing, and EMDR helps wounded parts release stuck memories and beliefs.
How is IFS different from other therapy?
IFS doesn't pathologize any part of you. There's no diagnosis to fight and no part to get rid of. The goal is relationship, between you and every part of yourself.
Gina Baiamonte, LPC, is the owner of Authentic Healing & Counseling in Houston, Texas, and the author of the forthcoming The Spiral to Self Love. She specializes in IFS, EMDR, somatic therapy, and art-based processing. If you're ready to meet your parts with more curiosity and less criticism, reach out to schedule a session.
Revel in the Authentic You.
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